I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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