Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
