there's paper in my vomit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
