I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
