we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
