dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
