I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
