Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
