he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
