Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
