NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
