I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
