my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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