Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
