I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
