Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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