Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
