i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
