It was confusing and full of hummus
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
