So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
