Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
