He kissed a someone with a penis
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
