my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
