you guys were way drunker than both of me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just gift wrapped bread.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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