Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
