I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
