So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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