we have officially lost it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
