so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
