it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
