At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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