i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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