Im at strip club and am horny
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
