i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
