he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
