If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
