New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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