I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
