"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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