She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
