a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry about my life...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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