And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
