Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my sisters under your porch take her home
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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