Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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