i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
