Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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