Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
