I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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