He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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