dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
